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Dreaming of Deliverance--Chapters 1-2
Hi Mentors-
Here's my first try at putting together a podiobook episode for my novel, Dreaming of Deliverance. I've included an introduction, but when I'm posting my book for real, I'm also going to include an "extro" at the end of each episode with a web site and contact information.
Here's a brief desciption of the novel:
Five years ago when Lindsay Paulson, a naive college student and talented distance runner, was 18, she was convicted of drug smuggling. Now, halfway through a 10-year prison sentence, she begins having what seem to be dreams, in which she leaves her cell in the night and visits another reality called Trae. DREAMING OF DELIVERANCE tells of Lindsay’s experiences both in Trae, where she finds herself among people enslaved by terrifying creatures, and in prison where she tries to make sense of what’s happening in her sleep: Is she actually escaping from prison somehow or is she losing her mind?
Thank you so much for whatever feedback you can provide!
-Renee
Here's my first try at putting together a podiobook episode for my novel, Dreaming of Deliverance. I've included an introduction, but when I'm posting my book for real, I'm also going to include an "extro" at the end of each episode with a web site and contact information.
Here's a brief desciption of the novel:
Five years ago when Lindsay Paulson, a naive college student and talented distance runner, was 18, she was convicted of drug smuggling. Now, halfway through a 10-year prison sentence, she begins having what seem to be dreams, in which she leaves her cell in the night and visits another reality called Trae. DREAMING OF DELIVERANCE tells of Lindsay’s experiences both in Trae, where she finds herself among people enslaved by terrifying creatures, and in prison where she tries to make sense of what’s happening in her sleep: Is she actually escaping from prison somehow or is she losing her mind?
Thank you so much for whatever feedback you can provide!
-Renee
- Attachments:
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DODMentorexcerpt.mp3, 18.4 MB
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Chris Snelgrove on -
Hey Renee,
Love the story. One thing I noticed is that while your reading speed seems good, the pauses between your phrases and sentences seems rushed. It was hard for me to process what was just said since the next phrase was right there on top of it. Try and find a nice space that feels natural, but doesn't let the silence stretch too much. Intro sounded fine and the music fade was good, could even fade out just a smidge sooner imho. Nice job.
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Permalink Reply by Ron Earl Phillips on
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The sound quality is very good. Your voice has a nice cadence. I liked the first chapter pretty well, the second part kind of drug on. But I'm a real Boom! Boom! Boom! kind of reader/writer. More thriller than Fantasy for me. Sound like a good premise.
Good job!
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Permalink Reply by Arlene Radasky on -
Renee,
This is a very good submission. Your timing was good, the music fit well, and the story is captivating. The only thing I wondered about was if you are using a pop screen over your mic. There are a few popped p's and hard s's. If not you can get a nylon and cover your mic or pop screens are very inexpensive online.
Good job!
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Permalink Reply by R.E. Chambliss on -
Thank you all, very much! I really appreciate you taking the time to listen and share your thoughts!
Chris- I'll work on stretching out the pauses. Thanks!
Arlene- Thank you! I did use a pretty pathetic homemade pop filter, but maybe I should go against my super-cheap nature and buy a real one. :o)
Ron- Thanks! I don't read thrillers often, and prefer stories to be kind of subtle, but that's what's great about there being so many different types of writing--there's something for everyone!
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Permalink Reply by Emerian Rich on -
Renee-
This is an excellent first time recording! Good job!
There are the p's, but those are things that happen when you first start. You will learn how far you have to stay from the mic and how to edit the pops out. Also, watch the recording screen, you can actually SEE them. If you are reading and notice one, just read the same part over "just in case" and then go back in editing and take out that sentence with the pop.
My other really picky thing is that you don't need all the "she saids". Your characters have very different voices and your readers won't be confused. The said's pull them out of the story. I didn't learn this until after about 6 chapters.
The only time you need them is if you have two people who don't have distinct voices to point out who is speaking.
This is an excellent read. Thanks! Good luck!
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Permalink Reply by Rhonda R. Carpenter on -
Hi Renee!,
Excellent first read. I won't go over the previous suggestion but girl flip for the 9.99 and go on ebay and get a pop filter. The story is right up my alley you were right about that. Grin.
If I were you I would also invest in a decent set of headphones and when you are editing use them as loud at you can take it. You will here some background movement and swallowing. It is perfectly fine for you to take a break while reading and start again. The editing is not fun for most people but it will help a lot with presentation if you can cut as much of that as you can. I know to it is hard. But as you do more of this your ear will become accustomed to hearing the room noise while you are recording and you will start repeating sentences when you have heard a chair squeak or a floor board or in my case the cat jumping in the other room.
My other suggestion would be to watch your repeat words. Numb is used a lot in the second half. Drop most of your he said she said stuff your are a good reader and the voices are very distinctive. Well done!
I look forward to your release and let us over at podioracket help you out. Start thinking of marketing now so you aren't overwhelmed later.
Great Job!
Rhonda R Carpenter
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Permalink Reply by R.E. Chambliss on
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Thank you, Emerian and Rhonda!
Emerian- Thanks for the tips on minimizing the p's! I wish my first attempts at all of this didn't come first in the book, you know? Because I don't want to put people off in the beginning. I've actually considered starting recording in the middle, and then going back to do the first episodes after I've had more practice.
Rhonda- My headphones are good, but I didn't have the sound turned up too loud when I was editing. And later I noticed some chair shifting noises, but not when I was editing. I'm guessing it's something that you have to learn to listen for. So thanks for pointing that out!
Oh and huge thanks for the Podioracket offer! I am thinking about marketing, but it's another area where I'm a big newbie!
I hadn't thought of modifying the text for the podiobook, but you both make a good point about the dialog attribution. If the voices are distinct, it's totally unnecessary.
So much to learn! I can't thank you all enough for the feedback!
-Renee
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